conversation with the devil

I am totally overwhelmed and amazed at the love of our Father today. I knew when I chose obediance in stepping out onto this journey, that in doing so, would be opening myself up to attack, and I knew, in my heart, that when it came, that God would be there. It's funny though, how quickly what we "know" in one moment, becomes what we have to fight with all we have to "remember" in the next. "Satan, you ripped the rug out from under me yesterday". I'll give you that. I never anticipated how resourceful you can really be in how you plan your attacks and counter moves in trying to unsettle us. Especially when you know that God is stirring deep within, dislodging things that you put into place long ago. How clever you are when you think you are being pried out of areas of our lives. How exhausting it must be, moving from place to place, and person to person, seeking to destroy....I wonder....do you ever miss Heaven...do you ever miss peace....do you ever miss your purpose....is that what makes you so evil, and "hell" bent on destroying every good thing? My kids asked me once, if I thought that Jesus thought of you and was sad....at first I said no, but now.......I think....He once loved you...and loved hearing your praises.....and saw first hand with you, the effects of greed. I think now, that maybe yes...somehow He does hurt for what happened to you...maybe that is why He so diligently spoke against the dangers of greed and pride. How delighted you must have been yesterday....you planned your attack well, and struck with a percision that would make our military envious. I admit, you caught me off guard and it was easy to knock me down....to make me lose control and say things that I regret...or to take my eyes off Him, in a human moment of feeling out of control and in a tailspin, and let you rattle me to my core of my faith, and doubt everything He has been teaching and leading me to for months now. BUT.....I have to say....that wasn't the end of this story was it? I literally crawled into church spiritually this morning....you had shaken me to the core, and I wanted to crawl back into bed, pull the blankets up and let you have the day. BUT....guess what? HE anticipated your moves...HE put actions into motions with people that neither you, nor I, could have thought part of this...and HE was faithful in giving sermons to not one, but two pastors today, to remind me of HIS truth, and guess what.....you may have knocked me down to the point, I crawled into one church this morning, but HE was there, and HE is faithful and just to hear me, and HE picked me up...you may have "spiritually terroized me, but HE has not left my side, and you may have knocked me down, but you did not BREAK me!"...2 Cor. 4:9, the msg,....and while I crawled into that church, I was leaning on HIM, and yes....still limping out...but up...on my feet...looking to HIM....and together we walked into the other church-(which I was invited to as a total..."surprise")-and yet again, I found a pastor that had a sermon hand tailored for me...even came off the pulpit and said...this isn't what I had planned to say...but there is someone here struggling with this...and this is from God to you...coincidence? Some might say so...myself...I never believed in them....I believe, I had a Father, who has been walking somethings out in me....and instilling small, but powerful changes in me...and has put a stronger faith in me, that I never knew I could have....and HE allowed you to have your moment yesterday, in the hopes I would look to HIM....and let HIM be my strength.....Yes, you had your moment....you had your time....and yes, I am still not certain how everything will pan out and where all the pieces will fall....but this I do know......HE has my back....HE has already won the battle....HE has already trumped your greatest attempt on defeating HIM.....And yes, you have succeeded in placing yet another "scar" on me and my faith....BUT...the difference this time,....HA! you didn't win...I haven't quit...and I know that where you may put superficial, on the surface, scars...HE places healing...deep rooted...unchanging healing.... Yes, HE is amazing....HE is faithful....He is overwhelming....and today, I am thankful HE was there waiting for me, and knew my voice when I called, and dispatched "angels" to me, and where you seek to make weak....HE seeks to empower....and for this day, I am thankful to have made it thru to today, and look forward to see where the "tomorrows" of this journey will continue......yeah, you may have your battles...you may have your conquests....but HE teaches how to overcome...how to persevere....how to endure....and thru that....HE has the victory, and with that comes the belief that HE will see me thru to the finish!