Learning to Walk

I haven't posted in awhile, mainly because of all the thoughts swimming around in my mind and soul...and to be honest, have had a hard time focusing in on one particular subject....and you should see my little notebook that I have started carrying around with me wherever I go...(Karen Friendman, I was listening in SLC, and have been "writing it down"...lol)...ANYWAY.....God has really hit me with a couple of very specific things the past two weeks, and thought I would share. Two weeks in a row, my pastor has mentioned Peter and his faith to step out onto the water to walk out to Jesus. The first time, he mentioned it, he asked the question, "how would you have responded?"...my sweet friend, said that she truly thought that she would have stepped right out.... I, on the other hand, am TERRIFIED of water, and honestly don't know how I would have responded....as bad as that sounds....it is brutally honest....but then the more I thought about it, and then after it was mentioned again today, God lovingly reminded me that He is asking me to step out of my boat even as I type this. Those of you, that have been a part of this know that God is calling me to a very specific journey right now. He hasn't asked me to step out onto a literal body of water, but He is calling me out of my "boat"...my comfort zone...into an area of being totally available to Him, and totally dependent on Him. He reminded me of how my entire life has led up to a "time such as this"...and that in so many situations, jobs, circumstances, and even with the people He placed along the way, as been teaching and preparing me for this time, and as Pastor reminds us on several occasions, that He equips me with all I will ever need in His overcoming sacrifice of the cross. That being said, He reminded me today of when my boys were learning to walk. As much as they desired independance, as long as they had one hand holding onto to something, they never really had freedom. He has been using me, yes, but I have not truly let go of my own "coffee table" so to speak. And by doing that, I may as well put a shackle on my ankle...all I was doing was just going in circles....never really giving God the freedom to move as He wills. My fellow WOCer's will understand this....I have also been guilty of being greedy....as pastor stated today, our "friend", Jesus, tried to warn us of greed, and the many ways that it presents itself. My "fixer" mentality, in trying to make things easy for everyone, had shifted to a "I want it all" mentality...yes, it was unintentional, and until today, I had not even realized that is what had happened....I had shifted my security back into my comfort zone....and it doing so had one foot out of the boat, and one hand hanging on for dear life. Jesus also revealed how He knows my heart, and in that anticipates my fear, but despises my rebellion and disobedience that had come from that fear. He loves that I am looking to Him, and is waiting for me, but I have to take that shaky, toddler like, first step...and reach for His hands to lead me to the next, ever stronger, next step, and the next...until I am running with Him. He also thru all of that, revealed something very beautiful to me in regards to what the world says is our stopping or ending points. The points that by all worldly standards should be our defining points. That I do not adhere to a wordly standard, that I adhere to a God who takes what this world disregards, and thru obedience to Him, turns into our starting points. The points that where the world says we are a failure, God says we are a miracle. That thru that, we become walking, breathing, talking, worshiping, and yes, sometimes sinning, but forgiven, REAL testomonies....testomonies to a Father who wants to give each of us a miracle, a starting point onto our own journey.....and thru that give HOPE......real, tangible, obtainable HOPE...to those around us....and afterall, isn't that what a testomony is all about....the places God takes us from.....onward....to the places we are going?