little lessons

What a whirlwind of a past two weeks it has been! The boys and Dora and I went to the Smokies last week, and then I have been in Herhey, PA this week. It's funny, how God speaks to you in tiny, small, whispers, that turn out to be some of the biggest lessons of your life. I am learning, that people have this perception of God being this overwhelming, overpowering, overcontrolling, inaccesible diety, that is somehow so massive, and all encompassing that we are like little ants on an anthill and He is an elephant, with one foot just over top of us, ready to squash us out at any instance. While, I do understand his majesty and authority, and the respect that that dictates, I am also learning that He loves to speak to us in everday, tiny little moments....sometimes so much a part of our everyday life, that we will miss them, if we are not on careful watch to see....see the lessons in love that He wants to teach us. He has brought two of these wonderful lessons to my mind within these two weeks. The first, was something that I totally missed when it happened. He brought it back to my mind today in the simpliest, silliest form. It actualy happened when I was in Chicago in January on a business trip, but He brought it to my mind today, when I posted a msg on facebook asking my friends to give me ideas for a bracelet that I am making along this journey. In fact, I call it my "journey" bracelet, and it is made up of charms and beads that represent things that are important to me as I go along, something to always remind me of the places He is taking me. There are beads to represent my family, and charms to represent different things, like a feather to remind me that, no matter where I am, I am forever beneath the shelter of His wings-(Psalms 36:7: "how steadfast is Your love, all of humanity rests beneath the shelter of Your wing)-(borrowed from a precious friend, thanks Amy)....and different things from each city...like a little statue of liberty to represent NYC...well...I realized I needed something to represent Chicago, and was thinking of my trip there, and He brought a moment to my mind, of when I was standing looking out the window of my hotel at Lake Michigan, and at this lighthouse that was still standing there...it was worn and ragged, but it still stands, and I thought to myself, "they don't build things like that anymore, I wonder what they put inside of that to make it stand strong against all the forces of nature that must have raged against it over the past 100 years or so"...and He spoke to my spirit and reminded me that I am like that lighthouse....there are forces that rage against me that should rip me to shreds....I have those same scars and am a little ragged from trying to stand all these years, but I also have something inside me that gives me that same strength to STAND.....I may sway sometimes from the force, and I may not be able to see sometimes from the storms that are raging all around and within me....but yet at the end of the day, I still have the ability to STAND...STAND...and face the storm that I see coming, intimitated? sometimes....but knowing....KNOWING...that He is within me....He is standing with me, letting me lean into Him, and be my core, my strength to see me through to the other side.... The other was a lesson in control.....that is someting He is trying to rip out of me, my tendancy to control everything....we were in the mountains, in Cades Cove, and sure enough there was a bear that was off in a field eating blackberries.....right as we got to the point we my boys could see him, he ambled off into the woods...we sat for awhile, and I was literally praying he would come back out for them to see. I try to teach them to be happy for what they have...meaning, if someone else gets to go to Disney, or to the beach, or have things that they don't, to not live their life in envy....to always look for the little things, and find a way to be satisified with what they have...but I was praying for God to give them this little moment, something they could always remember, and tell their future families...well...the bear didn't reappear, and we drove on....and I have to admit, I was a little ticked at God about it...really, how hard would it be to make a stinkin' little bear walk back out into view....but I didn't say anything, and I got over myself....well we were about to leave the little cove, and it was right at dark, and all of a sudden, Tyler spotted movement, right in the tree line beside the road. We stopped, and sure enough, a bear walked right up to the front of the car...he sniffed the hood, and then stopped to eat something right beside of us...no joke, we could have reached through the window and touched him! At first, I was overjoyed....what an awesome memory! But then, as I said a silent prayer of thanks, God, as He often does, spoke to me...."isn't things better when you ask Me to do something, then shut up, and trust Me to do it?" "My way is always better than your way, even if you can't see it, or it isn't on your timeline" "You didn't even give me a chance to answer you, just assumed that I wasn't, without WAITING for me"......WOW!!! talk about a humbling moment! Why can't I learn that? Why do I say prayers to Him, fully in my soul knowing He is beyond capable, but yet, think that He doesn't have the time to fool with a little bear request for my kiddos...that He who gave them life, doesn't love them (and me) with a love that is beyond anything we can imagine, and want to give them little "I love you moments,and memories" as well? I am looking for a little bear charm for my bracelet as well, not only to remind me of the memory with my boys, but each time I look at it, I remember that I have a Father who loves me with more than the ferociousness of a mamma bear, and when I ask Him to remind me of that love, will do so.....He will shout it all the way from Heaven, even if it is a whisper that only I can hear.