Those were the days

     I am not in my usual quite spot this beautiful Wednesday morning, in fact there is nothing quite about this one at all.  I am waiting for a friend to join me at Cracker Barrel, and I have to admit, I had a laugh this morning, wondering when I suddenly turned into one of those "little ole" ladies who meet here to visit, what happened to meeting after work for cocktails?  I know what happened, as well as you do, life happened...marriage and kiddos and homework and dinner and bathtimes and bedtimes happened.  But as a friend and I were discussing earlier this week, we wouldn't trade those times for anything, what did we do with all our time before?  How did we find enough in a day to keep us busy?

     I love to visit with the friend I am meeting today, she and I have known each other since high school, and have the type of friendship that no matter how busy we get, within a few minutes of being around each other, feel as if no time at all as passed....we simply pick up the conversation where we left it and continue right into the next.  She is one of those friends that I hope to continue meeting here even when we truly do turn into those little, blue haired ladies.....looking back and laughing at some of the antics we survived.  I am truly blessed in the fact, I have several of these type of friends, not many people have friendships that survive the passage of time, and I am thankful for each of them, and the roles that God uses them to play in my life.

     As I sit here, listening to the chatter around me, listening to how much hay a farmer was able to get this season, or how many tomatoes this group of ladies canned, or how excited someone is for Sunday to get here because the grandkids are coming over for Sunday dinner, it makes my heart ache for times that are gone.  It makes me yearn for the sound of a slamming screen door, and homemade sweet tea, and the feeling of rocking in a rocking chair or swinging on a front porch swing with my family.  To quote an old tv show, "those were the days".  There were even two gentlemen sitting on the porch here, rocking away, and discussing-(and probably solving)-some current event, both of them, looked me in the eye as I passed, and said:  "morning!".....what happened to those times?  How did we get so busy that we forgot the importance of slowing down?  The importance of connecting?  The importance of actually having a conversation with each other?  The importance of telling our "stories" to each other?  The importance of understanding and finding value in each other?  I am the world's worse at picking up a phone and texting someone, rather than taking the time to actually speak to a person, to hear in their voice how they are doing, are they happy,.... are they worried?  Some of the most precious times in my life was sitting either at the table, or standing washing dishes with my grandmother and two aunts, all of which have passed into eternity.  One of my grandma's favorite sayings, was:  "let's go and swing for awhile".  We would sit and just talk, she would share stories of when she was younger, and tell of tales of what she and her brothers and sisters would get into, or how hard life was for my great grandparents, how they grew everything they needed to survive, with the exception of coffee, tea, and sugar....how they would barter with grocery clerks, or how a man's word meant more than any amount of money or bank note..  It was better than any "little House on the Prairie" books let me assure you.  How I wish I would have written those stories down, or better yet, video'd her sharing them..  They are written somewhere on my heart, but with all of the hecticness of today, how much of them do I really remember  to share with my boys?

   
     God has been moving me alot lately to just "sit" with Him, rest with Him, remember with Him....thinking of today's memories and  how much I long for days long gone, I think I see why that is so important to Him.  He knew how easy it would be to get all caught up in life, and forget the importance of spending time with Him and each other.  That is why He made it one of the commandments, He knew how vital it is, not just for our bodies, but for our very souls.

     Today, I am thankful for friends I can laugh, and cry, with....I am thankful for sweet memories that could not  be bought with all the money in the world, but most of all, I am thankful for a Father who still knows my heart, and will be waiting for me on that front porch swing, just to "swing" awhile.....missing you so much, Thelma Jernigan, that my heart literally hurts today, I pray He whispers I love you from me.....onward to  the next day of this journey....but for the grace of God go I.....

lessons from the ladies room...

     Well it has been such a whirlwind of things the past few days....those of you who were with me at WOC and were blessed enough to hear Angus Buchan know just what I mean.  I am not even sure I could put that experience into words, it was one of those things you just had to have been there.  I will be forever grateful for that time though, and I find myself going back to little moments there quite often.  I will try and share those as I can, or as God moves me to do so.  In the meantime, though, please consider checking the messages out on WOC's website.

     My thoughts for today though, actually started in the women's restroom after service last nite.....I know, I know...weird, but hear me out....

     As I walked into the ladies room, I had to walk past two ladies who were chit chatting, and I couldn't help but notice one of them, touching up her makeup.  Really?   It was after 7:30pm on a Sunday night, services were over, what could you be planning to do at that time of nite, to warrant reapplying makeup?  Who could you possibly be afraid of passing in the hallway on the way to your car?  And then, no sooner than you got home, you have to scrub the mess right back off.....maybe it is just the freedom of growing up in the country, and having the benefit of having a good base tan....or maybe it is because I have never really felt the need to wear much of the stuff, especially now that I have two very active boys to chase after.....I don't think I have ever even carried a compact with me...I mean, yes, I do enjoy dressing up and wearing makeup when the need presents itself, but at 7:45 at nite???   I have to admit, I had a little chuckle to myself, thinking, how crazy is that?  Who could she possibly be trying  to impress this time of nite?   And then....He spoke.....just a tiny little whisper to me...."you do the same thing, you know?"    Excuse me?  What do you mean, I don't even have a lipstick with me.   And then, His voice, again, "True, True, you don't have a literal lipstick, but  you, just like her, try to cover up, try to change what the real you looks like, afraid someone might see it".  As I sit here this morning, during my quite time, I have traveled back to that moment last night, and asked Him what He meant.   What He is showing me is, this is how I apply, or touch up that "make-up'd" or  "made-up'd" version of myself:

Person in the hallway:   "how are ya today?"                               Me: "Fine!"....foundation applied  
Person in the sanctuary:  "how are you feeling lately?"               Me:  "Good!" ......eyeliner applied
Person in small group:    "what can I pray with you about?"        Me:  "Nothing, life's good!"                                                                                                              
                                                                                                                 .....lipstick applied


     You get the point, we "doll" ourselves up just as much as that lady does...we are so terrified of what someone might think about us, or how they might judge us, or God forbid,....might not even like us, that we miss the most important things:  1.  God is our only judge....if we are walking the best we know how in His will, and someone else doesn't understand, or "like" us...then it is on them....He will supply the people in our circle to edify us, and through quiet time with Him and in His word, He will build us up, and set our feet firm beneath us....and 2   It is when we are most real...most open...most honest-(first and foremost with ourselves and Him)-....most broken, and sometimes that causes us to look a mess, ...that is when we are telling our Jesus story the best.  That is when we truly let  others see what a mess we would be if not for His love and intervention....That is when we can show our "canvas" that He is painting, and that is when we are most in the position to tell what He has done, is doing, and we are believing in Him to do in our lives.  We can't take our compacts and our lipsticks and our beautiful manicured nails into Heaven with us,....all we can take is our testimonies, I don't know about you, but it inspired me to all the more "throw" away that "pretty little make up bag" that we all tote around with us....I want to be real....if that means me standing up in worship, looking insane with tears running down my face because yet, again I have had a glimpse of what He has done for me, then so be it....I can only pray He sends someone to ask me what is my issue....that He gives me the opportunity to tell them....tell them where He has pulled me from, tell them of the path He has set me on, tell them how they can also get to know Him, and His calling for their lives.

     Today, I am thankful for my quite study time.  I am thankful for God loving me so much, that He sent not one, but two men, two powerful prayer warriors of His-(and one wonderful lady as well)- all the way from Africa to me, and thankful for the messages that they brought to me.  Most of all, I am thankful for a Father who can speak lessons to me when I am open to receive them, .....even if they are taught in a ladies restroom.     Onward to tomorrow's part of this journey....but for the grace of God, go I.....

tell them: "I am coming"

     As I sit in a quite area of church today, thinking of the self study I am reading, I have to stop and ask myself......When did I put God into my "church" bag?  When did I take Him, and toss Him into the cute, little, hot pink backpack  that,  more often than not,  sits in my car, so that I won't forget it at service time?  He rides around with my extra bible, my lesson for the upcoming children's ministry, whatever self study I am doing at the time, pencils, old bulletins, and hard candy.  I would like to think I have taken Him out lately....He has certainly shown up in a mighty way in my life since the first of this year....but do I really keep Him with me, or do I sometimes, unintentionally toss Him in with my stuff....don't want to forget Him, don't want to not have Him within arm's reach, want to know that He is close by, just in case,.....but not really, all the time...every minute...of every breath....of every day....with me.   Yes, I know what the Bible says..."I will never leave you, nor forsake you", I get that....what I also get is there are times, I do the leaving.  I do the tossing.   I do the forsaking.

     The study I have started today, has blown me away...it is teaching the reverence of God.....the importance....more than that....the  vital necessity of understanding just who God really is.  His power, His might, His dimension, ....His rightful place.   The author of this book, describes in detail the size of our universe, how many light years the closest star is to our planet, how the farthest star that is visible to our naked eye is so far away, that it's light started to shine before Moses' parted the Red Sea, yet is just now reaching Earth......and how even though it would take 19 days to reach the moon, it's reflective light reaches us in 1.3 seconds!  Mind boggling.....but yet, we see in Is.  40:12, that God can span the entire universe with just His hand.....His hand....thumb to pinkie!  But yet, this is the same God, the same Father, who took, in relation to His size, a tiny....minute  speck of dust and created us....breathed life into us....and as the Psalmist says..."is mindful of us".    How do we fathom that?  How do we take hold of that?  More importantly...how do we take that God and toss Him into a church bag?   How do we expect to take that power, that might, that in-comprehensive sovereignty and treat it with an irreverence and yet, still expect Him to move on our behalf?  But yet, that same God....the same saviour....that same overpowering, unfathomable power, desires for us to know Him...on a small scale, intimate level.   He wants to indwell with us....to empower us....to deliver us...to save us.   He shouts Himself  and His love with every part of His creation.  He presents Himself in ways to make it easier for us to understand...make Himself  more approachable for us to draw near to....to make Himself mindful of us, and our limited, fearful, doubtful, human way of thinking.....and what do we do?   We toss Him into our church-bags.   Yes, we pull Him out when we need to pray about something, we pull Him out when we have fear, or sickness, or dare, I say it, when we need to "look"...or "sound"  like Christians......but is He truly part of every decision, every thought or desire that we have?  Do we really understand what we are doing when we take part of a worship service....do we understand that is our ticket into His throne-room...the same throne-room that is so Holy, that angels have to cover this faces with their wings, as smoke fills the room, and the doorposts shake, as they cry out, "holy, holy, holy"?  Do we yawn, or chit chat, or daydream as we are there?  Do we understand when God's holy words are read, that these are the same words, that bring the power of life or death?  Or do we balance our checkbooks, or think about who is winning the game, or what we are having for lunch?   What do we do when His inspired sermons are being taught?  Do we sit at the edge of our seat, anticipating what the God, that is so massive, that He literally can hold our entire universe in His hand, is saying to us?  Do we even remember what was spoken by the time we get into our cars, much less the next day, when it is time to walk them out and put them into practice?  I don't know about you, but God has spoken to me today....I want to never put Him, back into that hot pink backpack....in fact, I am beginning to see Him is such a different light, that I want Him right in front of me....I want to be shielded by Him....consumed by Him....with Him leading the way before me.   More importantly though, I want to truly, each and every time, I am given the opportunity to sing His praises....enter into His throne-room, hear His word being spoken....-(or reading it myself)....hear the lesson He has laid on a pastor's heart just for me....each and everytime, I want to give Him my utmost attention, hanging on every word, drawing all that I can out of that.  I know that each of you see the same stories that I do on the news each day...our rights are being slowly taken away....who knows how much longer we, as Americans, will have the chance to attend a beautiful place of worship, and we need to wake up and not take that for granted anymore.   He is calling people up to see dreams, and signs, and wonders, to see visions of things yet to come.....not to scare us, but to inform us, prepare us, remind us, "I am coming".  He wants each of us to be prepared when that time comes.  As much as I prepare my children for things, so that they will not be afraid, or caught off guard, or uninformed, how much more does He try to prepare us?  He desires that not one would perish, but that all would come to His life.  It is our job, our duty, our responsibility to share that, and just like Ezekiel in the old testament, if we take that for granted, if we toss Him into our church bags, and not tell everyone we meet, "He is coming, are you ready?", we will find ourselves in the position to answer for that someday.....not that fear of that should be the reason we tell them, how could once we truly take hold of who He is, and what He has done for us, not want to share that with everyone....if we truly get a glimpse of what is to come for those who do not listen, who do not know Him, it should break our hearts, ....after all it broke His enough that He gave all He had to make a way.   I used to make fun of the little old men, dressed in sackcloth, holding their signs, that announce "the end is near".....but the more I get to know Him, the more I fall in love with Him, the more I understand who He truly is.....the more I understand their dedication, and understand the importance of letting our lives become a reflection of Him, that Light shining into the darkness of this broken, dying world.  The more I understand the urgencey of what is to come, and our role in that, the more I have the desire, the boldness, the courage to tell everyone I can, "He is coming, are you ready"?

     Today, I am thankful for the lesson He brought to me in my quite time with Him.  I am thankful for the opportunity to see that hot pink backpack in a whole new perspective.....and I am thankful for Him opening my eyes to understanding more of who He is, who He was, and who He is meant to be....of giving Him, His rightful "feared" place in my life......onward to the next step of this journey, anticipating the chance to share what He has gratefully, lovingly shown me......but for the grace of God, go I.......

the power of life or death

     I am not sure why, but during my studies and writing lately, God has been moving me to look up the different meanings of words, and it amazes me how we have lost the value of what words truly mean....how we pick and choose different definitions  and "lock" our language into that small box, that small "fenced" in area, and  give power to our speech that it never really should have had.  I have been in classes lately, where the speaker has given the "Greek" word that was actually used in the Biblical text, and how the Greeks used several different words to mean things....love is an example of this, we use the same word, love, to describe several different levels or factions of that, they used different words to express their meaning....it truly was something that literally was lost in translation, and we are the ones who are missing out because of it.

     This came to my mind after I shared some special time with a friend, well to be honest, several friends over the past few days.  What gave us the right to use our words to tear each other down the way we do?  Our speech is one of the things that separates us from the rest of the creation, and yet we have let it become such a tool of the enemy.  We were given our voices to praise, to edify, to speak blessings.  How and when, did we reliquesh   control of that part of who we are?  We are so far removed from using our voices as God created it, that I wonder if sometimes He regrets even giving us that ability?   How arrogant we have become, to open our mouths and speak the curses that we do upon each other, to rip each other to shreds, to put those life changing, long term, deep rooted bruises that take the power, literally, the power of Almighty God to heal.    Who are we to take the gift we have been given, and with just a few careless words tear down and cause doubt upon  everything God has said?  I could maybe even see the justification if we did this only to our enemies, but far to often, this isn't even the case.  Our best victims are the ones we are sworn to love, sworn to protect, sworn to defend.   I am sure we all can close our eyes, and drift back in time to someone, usually someone who was or is supposed to be our safe place, with just a few words cut us to our very soul, inflicting wounds that if without the grace of our Father, will follow us to our graves.  Talking to my friends, it amazed me how the people that were supposed to love them the most, were the ones to speak such ugliness to them.  It made me remember those times in my life, it made me take inventory today and remind myself, that no matter what lies, what judgements, what hatefulness has been spoken over and to me, remind myself what He says,....that I am fearfully and wonderfully made,....that in the garden, He handcrafted me, and then gently breathed life into me......that He delights over me each nite, and watches me like I often do with my boys, thinking....."she's mine.....I created her.....I love her".  How easy it would be to get "locked" into those careless words, that pierce with the marksmanship of an arrow, straight to our souls?  How easy it would be to believe those lies?  How easy it would be to not force ourselves to see past the "broken" people that are speaking them, and see the true enemy behind them?  The precious friends that I have been sharing with this week, are some of the most beautiful, amazing people I have ever met.  It infuriates me to imagine how wounded they are due to these attacks, how the enemy has gained ground into their life, how he has his talons deeply rooted into them.  But, as much as that infuriated me, imagine my joy, as I was given the unique opportunity to tell them otherwise.....to look them in the eye and tell them it was, and is, all a lie......that there is someone who loves them so much, who values them so much, that He traded all of Heaven just for them.....and tell them, He would have done it, even if they had been the only one.  How amazing is that?  To watch HOPE, even if it is a small glimmer, HOPE start to grown in their eyes!!  After a lifetime of being told, they are worthless, they are hopeless, they will never amount to anything, they are stupid, they are ugly, they are less than this stupid boxed in definition of perfect that we have created, ....to start somewhere deep in their soul to feel the love of a saviour they have not even met yet, to have His power, His love, His TRUTH, start to take root and start to undo all of the pain, all of the anger, all of the lies, all of the past, and to start to rewrite their story, to align it back into what He had intended all along.

     I will never know what He sees in me to allow me to be a part of this journey and the amazing people that I am meeting along the way, but I will be forever grateful for the chance.  We have an amazing Father, it humbles me to my core to watch Him work, watch Him love, watch Him heal......overwhelmed at Him all over again.....onward to tomorrow....but for the grace of God go I.....

it really is that simple.

As God sees us:

Before:

Sinner,.... Addict,..... Liar,..... Thief,..... Adulterer,..... Prostitute,..... Drunkard,..... Leper,..... Outcast,..... Idol worshiper,..... hate,..... discord,..... fits of rage,..... murderer..... jealousy,..... witchcraft,..... envy,..... selfishness,..... promiscuous,..... arrogant,..... worry,..... blasphemy,..... disobedience,..... disbelief,..... pride,..... lust,..... cursed,..... hopeless,..... unforgiveness,..... separation,..... guilt,..... blame,..... judged,..... condemnation,.......D E A T H.

JESUS

John 3:16-17

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.

After:







:-)

out of the broken comes beauty

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.....Psalm 139:14

      I was talking today with a friend, that I don't see often enough btw, and our conversation turned to our trips to the beach and how in the past, we had spent our time searching for that perfect shell, often tossing the smaller, broken, or chipped ones to the side, without so much as a second glance.  Thru that, she shared with me, that she has a large  conch shell that is broken on one end, so that you can see the spirals,  and beyond those into the inside of the shell....the inner part that,  without it's imperfection you would have missed....Instantly, while she was talking and sharing how beautiful the inside of this shell is, how intricate, and delicate it is from that angle, my spirit began to see yet another God lesson....isn't it amazing how in everyday life, everyday conversation, everyday 
"mundane-ness", He is speaking, reminding us how much He loves us.....

     Broken....why does that word usually mean something is no longer of any use?  How did we began to assign only one definition and not looking beyond that?  According to Webster's, one of the meanings of broken is:  "to bring from having a nature of wildness to a state of obedience"....yes, I know this is in reference to the act of 'breaking' an animal, such as a horse, but...hmmmm...dare I say it?  Kind of reminds me of, well, to be honest....me.  Before I truly began to understand walking out my faith, and learning the importance of submissiveness and humility, I have to admit, I had (and still do in some ways)-that "wildness" about me. I have made my share of mistakes, just ask most people that know me and I'm sure they would be happy to share a few, and along the way, I have become broken just like that shell.  I am pretty sure, my " shell", isn't anything like what God had intended when he was hand forming me within my mother's womb.  I know I am formed in His image, but life has a way of tossing me around, just like those waves have tossed her shell around, and along the way, chips and cracks occur.  Today it ocurred to me that sometimes, I cause those breaks when I, like those wild horses, pull back and fight the "Hand" that leads me.  But it also occurred to me, that like that shell, with those breaks comes healing, and if seen from His perspective, it is a beautiful thing.  It becomes our story, our testimony of where we have traveled along this journey.  And just like that shell, without the brokeness, without those parts of us being taken away, how can we see how delicate, how amazing, how intricate we are inside?  How, no matter what mistakes we make, or what life deals us, given to Him, it doesn't change that part deep inside handcrafted by Him.

    I don't know about you, but thinking of that shell, I am thankful for the broken areas of my life.....I remember reading somewhere that when a bone breaks, it grows back stronger than before, and I know that is true in my life, where He has broken me, and then in turned, healed me, I am stronger than I ever could have imagined.  I can only hope that when you look at me from that angle,  my broken angle, I hope to reflect Him, and His handiwork....and I can only hope that it can be said, "Look and see what the Lord has done".

     Thankful for today's lesson that came by sharing with a sweet friend(thanks Janice).....thankful for His lessons that come out of the ordinary......and hoping for the opportunity to search for "broken" shells.....onward to the next day of this  journey.....but for the Grace of God, go I........  

lessons from a convict

As I was getting ready this morning, I had the news playing on the t.v. and listening to the latest events, and one story in particular has stuck with me the entire day.  The details of the particular names, and places I don't recall, but the issue of the event is something that is unbelievable to me.  It seems, there was a retired 80 something year old sheriff that was gunned down on his way to his mailbox last week.  The person believed to have done it was also in his 80's and was a convict that the sheriff helped to put behind bars back in the 1980's.   Apparently the gunman has held a grudge against the sheriff all these years, and has been stewing and plotting his revenge all this time.  At first this seemed unfathomable to me....how in the world could someone carry around that baggage all this time?   How did he live a normal life?  Is that all he thought about?  Did the thought of how and when and where he could plot his revenge play over and over like a rerun in his mind, until it drove him to some sort of insanity?  As I was thinking of this through out my day, God revealed to me, yet again, a point that He has been putting in front of me, the importance of capturing every thought, every emotion, every opportunity for unforgiveness and rage to take root, to take inventory every day and make sure there is nothing left unattended for Satan to have, even for a moment.

     As I quickly passed judgement on the gunman, God reminded me, that I to, have deep rooted things, places where I am hurt, or rejected, or angered.  Even as I type this, I am reminded that if certain people or places or events are  mentioned, even to this day, I have to capture the thoughts and/or feelings that they instantly invoke.  We have all been there.   Someone mentions that third grade classroom, and you transport back in time to the moment, when you were singled out for whatever reason, and had a dark spot dropped on your timeline.....or fast forward to when you were a teenager and you felt rejected or ridiculed....another blot.....or when you think of certain holidays or events, and a parent or family member unintentionally left their stain.....yes....prayerfully, we have laid those down at the feet of Jesus, and left them...we don't carry them around with us on a daily basis...some of us still do....but for the most part, we are able to leave them and walk away healed.....but I would dare to say, the dark spots are still there, and even if for a moment, the pain will rear it's ugly head.....and we have to make the choice yet again, to walk away, and leave them where they lie, and we have to fight to find the lesson in it, and give it to a Father who loves us, and will bring healing.  We are the "blessed" ones.   How easy could that have been me?  How easy could I have carried around that burden of hate all these years, just waiting for my moment of revenge?  Maybe I am the only one, who , in my mind at least, hasn't thought of just what I would say or do, given the opportunity.  I had never really thought of thanking God for preventing  that opportunity, until today.  I thank Him for His forgiveness, and I thank Him, for teaching me how to forgive,  sometimes whether I am ready to or not, that He leads me by example.  All around us, it seems are people who are so locked in a self inflicted prison of hate, that they lash out and hurt all those around them.  How blessed I am, how truly blessed.  I know how the feelings of rejection and hurt and anger feel....I know how hard it is to force myself to drop those "stones" at the cross....I know how I have to fight with all I have to hear His voice and His truth over the lies Satan shouts sometimes.....I know how easy it would be to choose to lock myself into one of those prisons....just waiting for my moment of vindication to come.   But then, I have to think of Him......think of all He endured....innocently endured because of me......how easy it would be for Him to look and me and think, "it's her fault, that I had to die on that cross, it's her fault that I had withstand that pain".....and plot His revenge....if anyone ever had the 'right' to harbor resentment, to harbor hate, to harbor unforgiveness....it is Him.   But yet, He didn't.   He willingly gave Himself for me, and all the ugly things that came with me, and freely.....unwaveringly....granted me a pardon....and with that showed me the way to forgiveness....not only for others, but for myself, for all those deep-rooted places that only He and I can see.   I know the bible says that we have to forgive in order to be forgiven, and while I understand that means we cannot carry around these "I owe U's"....waiting for some sort of vindication that will more than likely never come,...that we have to choose to pardon others so that He can in turn pardon us, I am beginning to realize that maybe the biggest "I owe U" I carry is my own.   The one that I save for myself.....the one that covers the areas deep inside, the ugly places, that somehow Satan convinces me that are unforgivable......that is maybe what Jesus meant.....He knew that until we knew how to deal with those inner most places....the places that we try to pretend isn't there....those are the places where hate and anger and revenge dwell......and if unchecked seep into every other part of our being......until we allow Him into those places.....forgive ourselves and therefore unlock the door and allow Him to "clean and purify" those places.....how can we expect to forgive others?

     Thanking Him for giving me incentive to do a little "house cleaning" today....thanking Him for opening my eyes to His lessons for me in areas that I normally would have been quick to judge....but most of all thanking Him for loving me when I was unlovable....but for the grace of God, go I.....

"Be it unto me..."

     I know I briefly shared in my last blog, my experience last Saturday at the Woman's retreat.  I know beyond a shadow of any doubt that I had a God experience there, I had prayed a very specific, no room for error, prayer, and He very specifically, no room for error, answered me.  That was the "period" so to speak that wrapped up the entire event.  Something changed within me, I have been "in the Spirit" ever since then, I feel and see God's presence everywhere since then, He has unlocked something within me, that I never want to lose.  But with that, comes the attack.....I have also been under spiritual attack since I left there.  I have had HAE attacks off and on all week, I have felt physically sick, I have had to pray off the spirits of fear and doubt, and to fight to hang on, and remain in the place He put me last weekend.  But He is good, and He is faithful, and to be honest, He has awoken me each day this week, long before sunrise in the early morning hours.....I have to admit, I didn't want to answer Him, I was sleepy, I was tired, I didn't feel well, and had long work days ahead of me this week, and I acted like my kids do when they don't want to get up and go to school....I kicked my feet, pouted, and pulled the covers back over my head, and told Him, "just 10 more mins.".....crazy, huh?  Well, this morning, right on time, He called to me, and awoke me just after 4:30am.....this morning, I decided to answer, and I got up, said a good morning prayer, and for some reason, turned on the christian channel on t.v.  I started listening to a message, and at one point he mentioned, when God brings a message to you, respond like Mary, meaning, you might not understand, or have fears and doubts, but respond, "What you say, be it unto me."  hmmm....I then opened my bible, and my ipad "ap" and began a study....I figure if He woke me before the sunrise, He must have a lesson for me.  And boy, did He ever.

     We all know the Christmas, story, and know that the event mentioned above, was when the angel had appeared to Mary and delivered the message that she was going to give birth to Jesus.  How overwhelmed and terrified she must have fought to not feel, she even asked the angel, "how can this be, I have not been with a man"-(which, there is a whole other lesson that came with that point, that I will share at a later time)-she had questions, she had insecurities,  but she also had blind faith, and with that, not fully understanding how things were going to transpire, she responded: "What you have spoken, Be it unto me."  What He has shown me this morning, is that is the moment, that the Word became flesh, the moment that He stepped out of His world, and became an active part of ours.  And He also showed me how much Satan and all of his demons HATED that moment, and did all they could to stop that, and destroy Him.  He also revealed to me, that I also have had my "Mary" moment.  I have been fortunate enough to have grown up in church my entire life, I have had the bible stories, and vacation bible schools, and retreats become so much a part of me, that I can't imagine not growing up any other way.  I became a Christian many years ago, but just within the last few years, have come to understand, that getting saved, and becoming a Christ follower are two totally different things.  I have shared before, how God has called me into, what I like to call, my destiny moment within the past two years. Anyone who knows this story, knows that this is not just a simple coincidence, it is a God initiated, God planned, God anointed plan.  In January, I had my "Mary" moment.  Pastor Allen, at WOC, had started our New Year's series, and I knew that sermon was for me.  God spoke to me, and revealed to me that how I thought this whole plan was going to occur, was nothing like He intended.  He called me out of my comfort zone, to where I would have to depend totally on Him.  I was terrified, but that was the day that he told me to make a choice, either move ahead with Him, and seize hold of the purpose He designed me for, or literally forfeit it, and stay where I was.  Without realizing it, I thankfully, responded like Mary, "I don't understand it, I am terrified of this, but, what You have said, 'be it unto me'".

  I am going to share with you, one of the things that God woke me up to teach me this morning, Satan HATES when we have our "Mary moments".  He hates when we also allow the Word to become flesh within us, meaning, when we truly, fully allow Jesus to be "born" in us.  Even as I type this, the entire blog website is freezing, my keyboard is locking up,  and I have errors in trying to save this, when just minutes ago, it worked fine while, I checked facebook and emails.  So, you might as well stop Satan, I am going to type this, either now, or later.....anyway, back to the point...Satan HATES when we, like Mary, allow the Son of God to reside in us, to grow and mature within us, to the point, that we have no doubt when we see a very pregnant woman, that we know that there is life within her, that those around us, can't help but notice that His life is within us.  God showed me thru my study this morning, that the way we do that is stop "thinking", stop "saying" the things we feel led to do, and start "doing".  That is thing that Satan detests.  He doesn't care when we think
God thoughts, or have good intentions, it is when we began to walk those out, and put our preaching into practice, that satan begins to attack.  He knows that the moment we begin to do that, is the moment, the Word becomes flesh in our own, individual lives.  God showed me the verses in Daniel, where the angel appeared to Him, and said:  "Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your mind to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words".  God heard me, in January, when I, despite my fear, despite my doubts, I said: "What You have said, be it unto me."  And like Daniel, like Mary and Joseph, He dispatched angels to protect that fragile, innocent new "birthing" of the Word becoming flesh, the moment that He stepped out of His world into mine.  He knew Satan hated that, and also had dispatched his own demons to destroy that, to trip me up, and set me off course.  I honestly think that, like Daniel, even though all the way back in January, when I set my mind to understand and began to humble myself before Him, He heard my words, and honored them, it took my angels all this time, to reach me.  I do believe that when we set our hearts, and minds, and more importantly our actions on the thoughts of God, and fight with all we have to align ourselves and our paths with Him and His will, He will protect us.  If He loved Daniel that much prior to the sacrifice of His Son, how much more will He intervene to protect the fragile, chipped, "earthen vessels", that allows that Word to become flesh and dwell within us?

    Today, I am thankful for alot of things.  I am thankful that He called to me this morning, that He didn't give up on me, and was patient, and held this lesson, and kept calling to me, until I answered.  I am also thankful for the attacks I have been under this week, based on the lesson I had with Him this morning, I, at least for this moment, must be doing something right, something satan hates, and hopefully I am one moment closer to fully letting the Word become flesh in my life, I am one step closer to fully letting Him consume me and be birthed into me.  If I can give anyone who reads this one piece of advise, listen to Him, answer Him, sit at His feet and learn....He has all the answers you will ever need, all you have to do is shut out this world, and hear Him.  Onward to the next step of this journey, but for the grace of God, go I.......