Today, I find myself wondering how it is that I have managed to live as long as I have in a state of near blindness and not even realize it? Was I so self absorbed that I didn't even notice those along the "side of road" so to speak along the path of life that I have been walking? I remember reading the story of the good Samaritan in the Bible, and thinking, "how could those men have been so mean? "Surely I would have been the one to stop and help the wounded man." But now I wonder.....how many times have I walked right on past, not even noticing the broken, wounded, hurting around me?
For the past several months, the boys and I have been praying on the way to school, specifically for God to remind us that we are here to represent Him to those who need Him, and we might be the only evidence of Him that they see. To put people throughout our day that are hurting, or confused, or weak, and to help us to recognize those moments and "listen", be "in tune" with what His message is for them. I have said before that God truly hears those prayers, He desires us to see this world as He does, through His eyes, and with His compassion. He will send those people our way, when we ask Him to.. I have to admit, there are times, I have to "check" myself, because it isn't always easy to walk that out, often it is that person that we aren't so fond of, or maybe has been less than nice to us in the past, or someone we wouldn't even communicate with on our own terms and conditions. I find that more often than not, it isn't a simple word, or prayer, or pat on the back, paired with a quick, "I'll pray for ya", that they need. This life is hard, and it doesn't always present itself in a pretty little, quick fix package.
I have shared that I understand now, at least in part why I am still in a certain place, that I thought I would have left months ago. At least three different people have been put into my path, that I know, I KNOW have been "God moments". As soon as they occurred, I knew in my spirit, that God whispered, 'There is your answer, that is why I am not finished with you here'. Has that been easy? No. Have I been perfectly obedient in accepting that? No. At least not in the beginning, but I found myself in another situation last week, and after it was over, I had a clear revelation from God. He has given me freedom in some hard, deep rooted areas of my life. I hadn't even noticed it until then, in fact, in occurred to me, that in focusing more on Him, and His will for my pathway the past 10 months or so, I had not even noticed when the freedom and the healing had come. He revealed to me, that is sometimes how He works, something just shifts inside....just lets go and makes room for Him, and His will....on a spiritual level, we are so in tune with Him, that we don't even notice when the hurt, and the wounded places let go. In realizing this, I had a revelation from Him. He spoke very clearly to me, "I have healed you, and through your wounds, have given you a voice, a voice to encourage and remind broken, hurting people, that I care....they matter to me, how dare you try to keep that silent? You have asked me to bring these people to you, I have heard your prayer, and they are coming..speak to them, love on them, introduce them to me". I cannot even type those words without having to walk away and compose myself....how overwhelming that He would trust this wonderful treasure in such a fragile clay pot as me? But then again, how could I not share what He has done and is doing for me?
That brings me to today's lesson. I was in a situation today, where I met one of His broken children, who actually looked at me, with despair, true, despair in her eyes as she said that she had been praying to God, and He wasn't listening to her......how sad....to truly believe that. Her situation was like so many of us have found ourselves in at one point or another...she had been taking time off work without pay to care for her elderly ailing mother, and had found herself not having enough money to pay for gas to get to work the rest of this week. She had this sweet, fat little pet bunny, that she had put in the back of her truck with a sign that said, "please buy my bunny for $20, so I can buy gas to get to work".......You could tell this little rabbit was well loved, and her cherished pet, he was the sweetest thing, and loved to be petted. We all tried to give her money, which she didn't want to accept, she didn't want a "free gift", that she couldn't repay, or offer something in return for......hmmm...kinda reminds me of another situation where a "free gift", one that NOTHING we have to offer can repay.......they had told her that we live on a farm, and could take the bunny with no problems, so I went to sit with her and discuss. I told her I didn't want to take her, obviously, cherished family pet, to which she begin to cry, and say if she didn't have money for gas, she wouldn't have money to feed him, and would rather know he would go to a home who would take care of him and love him as much as she does. As she was crying and telling me this, I felt the spirit tug at me, and speak to me, and I knew this was not by chance that she and I were crossing paths. I prayed that God would give me the words that he had for her. I told her that I wanted to help, that I had spoken to my husband, and he wanted to help...that it wasn't that long ago, we had been in similar situations, and did not judge her...that it is only by the Grace of God, go I. She, then tells me that she has been praying to God for help, and for faith, and didn't know if He was hearing her. I was then able to tell her that God answers prayers in all kinds of ways, sometimes not how we imagine, or how we want, but that I felt that God had led her there, where she could be helped, without judgement, and how we are all called to be each other's angels at one time or another, and we both had to be obedient in this God appointed meeting. I had to be obedient in letting God bless her through me, but she also had to be obedient in accepting His blessing. It was a lesson, that was God ordained, God appointed, and we both had to be in agreement to receive from Him. And I also reminded her that He would honor that obedience, and in turn, would put her in the position someday to do the same for someone else. To watch the Light, and the Life, come back in her eyes is something I cannot find the words to express, what an honor to be able to remind one of His children, one of my "sisters" that she matters....she matters....she is not forgotten, or judged, or condemned by Him. I was able to remind her that He loved her so much that He set into motion events that would allow us to cross paths. I have found myself thinking of the woman at the well, and thinking that is how Jesus must have seen her. He didn't look at her and see "whore" or "trash", He looked at her and saw worth and value. It also reminded me of a time not so long ago, that I was like that woman at the well, maybe our sins weren't the same in nature, but we were still the same distance from Him, unable to free ourselves from the web that we had weaved and entangled ourselves in, and yet He gave all He had in order to bridge that distance. Once see this world through His eyes, it brings a whole new clarity to things.....it brings a whole new meaning to, "I was blind, but now I see"......
Today I am thankful for life, for love, for forgiveness. I am thankful for a Father who continues to speak to me, until He is able to breakthrough my selfishness. But most of all, I am thankful He speaks to me through all of His beautiful creation, even fat, furry, bunnies.......hoping to see tomorrow's part of this journey through His eyes.....but for the grace of God go I.......
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Chipped pitchers/Hidden treasures
I love how God teaches me little lessons in the most simplest of ways. He touches my heart with how He speaks to me on my, human, practical terms. This lesson came in the form of a old glass tea pitcher that means the world to me.....
A few years ago, my father and I were waiting to have some minor repairs done on my car, and we decided to walk over to a little antique store to pass the time. I loved walking with him, and having him tell me what some of the old farm stuff was for, and hearing stories of who in the family might have happened to have items just like the ones we were seeing. I ran across this little glass tea pitcher....it was sitting on the bottom shelf...and had been well loved. It had this little chipped place right at the top of the rim, and I suppose, due to it's imperfection, had earned it's less than perfect selling spot. I walked around with it, debating on whether or not to spend the money on such a trivial, unneeded item. I was a new mom at the time, working part time, and couldn't really justify the purchase, and so...I left it on that bottom shelf. A few days later my dad walked in with this "package" wrapped up in old newspaper, and moved me to tears when I unwrapped the little pitcher. I know that most people would not have spent the money on something that was damaged, but I love that pitcher. Each time I make sweet tea or lemonade, I run my finger over that spot and make up little stories as to how it got there....I imagine a long ago time, and another mother stirring her special drink for her family. This day though, as I was daydreaming about the chip, God spoke to me,...."That's how you are to me, you know".
I have to admit, I had to "mull" that over for a few days, and pray about the lesson God was trying to show me in comparing me to a broken, old pitcher. This morning I think He revealed His answer, in reminding me of:
2 Cor. 4:7 (NIV): "We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves"
God reminded me that I am like that chipped, imperfect pitcher, in that as much as I loved it from the first moment I saw it, how much more does He love me? He still chose me, in spite of my mistakes, my imperfections, He sees past all of that, and understands that I am still usable to Him. My body, my "tent" might still be broken and worn, but inside...in the part of me that is alive...my soul....inside is where He can dwell and through my obedience can be useful to Him to "shine" His light and love to all the other "broken" vessels around me. He reminded me that if we are willing, He can take the most feeble, the most uneducated, the weakest of us and accomplish His greatest goals. Look at the disciples if you don't believe that. What a "ragamuffin" bunch, but He used them to change the world. If they were able to accomplish all that they did, how much more can we, with all the technology God has blessed us with?
He showed me that without my mistakes, my "chips", I cannot understand forgiveness, and until I understand forgiveness, I cannot understand mercy, and until I understand mercy, I cannot understand grace, and until I understand grace, I will never obtain and know compassion. And without compassion, I might as well be an empty pitcher. without compassion, I will never understand how to let "Him" shine from within this broken vessel. Instead of seeing myself as that imperfect, useless, weak earthen vessel, I have to learn how to recognize that it is in my failures, that I truly learn to walk in His abundance. That is what will draw others to us, that is what will be what they see in us that gives them hope....hope that they also matter, and are worth that second glance, or that place higher than the bottom shelf. I also hope to be more diligent and obedient in extending that same grace to the people God has placed in my life. I sometimes get "holier than thou", so "hell-bent" on seeing your mistakes, that I forget about my own. I can only pray that God gives me that true, Godly compassion, to see the world through His eyes, each time I see a chipped, broken, damaged pitcher,.... or teacup, ....or person, .... that I remember this lesson, and I see the value that He places on the things that this world throw away.
Today, I am thankful for learning to see things as they were meant to be, rather than how they appear to be.....I am thankful for a Father who loves me so much more than a broken pitcher and each time He touches me remembers our journey together........but most of all I am thankful that I have a Father who sees potential in me, sometimes when I don't even see it myself.......onward to the tomorrow of this journey....but for the grace of God go I......
A few years ago, my father and I were waiting to have some minor repairs done on my car, and we decided to walk over to a little antique store to pass the time. I loved walking with him, and having him tell me what some of the old farm stuff was for, and hearing stories of who in the family might have happened to have items just like the ones we were seeing. I ran across this little glass tea pitcher....it was sitting on the bottom shelf...and had been well loved. It had this little chipped place right at the top of the rim, and I suppose, due to it's imperfection, had earned it's less than perfect selling spot. I walked around with it, debating on whether or not to spend the money on such a trivial, unneeded item. I was a new mom at the time, working part time, and couldn't really justify the purchase, and so...I left it on that bottom shelf. A few days later my dad walked in with this "package" wrapped up in old newspaper, and moved me to tears when I unwrapped the little pitcher. I know that most people would not have spent the money on something that was damaged, but I love that pitcher. Each time I make sweet tea or lemonade, I run my finger over that spot and make up little stories as to how it got there....I imagine a long ago time, and another mother stirring her special drink for her family. This day though, as I was daydreaming about the chip, God spoke to me,...."That's how you are to me, you know".
I have to admit, I had to "mull" that over for a few days, and pray about the lesson God was trying to show me in comparing me to a broken, old pitcher. This morning I think He revealed His answer, in reminding me of:
2 Cor. 4:7 (NIV): "We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves"
God reminded me that I am like that chipped, imperfect pitcher, in that as much as I loved it from the first moment I saw it, how much more does He love me? He still chose me, in spite of my mistakes, my imperfections, He sees past all of that, and understands that I am still usable to Him. My body, my "tent" might still be broken and worn, but inside...in the part of me that is alive...my soul....inside is where He can dwell and through my obedience can be useful to Him to "shine" His light and love to all the other "broken" vessels around me. He reminded me that if we are willing, He can take the most feeble, the most uneducated, the weakest of us and accomplish His greatest goals. Look at the disciples if you don't believe that. What a "ragamuffin" bunch, but He used them to change the world. If they were able to accomplish all that they did, how much more can we, with all the technology God has blessed us with?
He showed me that without my mistakes, my "chips", I cannot understand forgiveness, and until I understand forgiveness, I cannot understand mercy, and until I understand mercy, I cannot understand grace, and until I understand grace, I will never obtain and know compassion. And without compassion, I might as well be an empty pitcher. without compassion, I will never understand how to let "Him" shine from within this broken vessel. Instead of seeing myself as that imperfect, useless, weak earthen vessel, I have to learn how to recognize that it is in my failures, that I truly learn to walk in His abundance. That is what will draw others to us, that is what will be what they see in us that gives them hope....hope that they also matter, and are worth that second glance, or that place higher than the bottom shelf. I also hope to be more diligent and obedient in extending that same grace to the people God has placed in my life. I sometimes get "holier than thou", so "hell-bent" on seeing your mistakes, that I forget about my own. I can only pray that God gives me that true, Godly compassion, to see the world through His eyes, each time I see a chipped, broken, damaged pitcher,.... or teacup, ....or person, .... that I remember this lesson, and I see the value that He places on the things that this world throw away.
Today, I am thankful for learning to see things as they were meant to be, rather than how they appear to be.....I am thankful for a Father who loves me so much more than a broken pitcher and each time He touches me remembers our journey together........but most of all I am thankful that I have a Father who sees potential in me, sometimes when I don't even see it myself.......onward to the tomorrow of this journey....but for the grace of God go I......
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
love letter from the locker room
What a weekend I have had! I have had the blessing of standing in three different states, counting my own beautiful Tennessee, all within a 72 hours span. I had the opportunity of not only, meeting dozens of people who also struggle with the same disease I do, but also sitting in a conference, and listening and learning, from some of the top professionals on HAE in the world. You would think I would understand more than anyone, just how blessed I am......sigh....
You would think that, however, the reality is that, I "hit a brick wall" this weekend. My body was tired, my mind was spent, and my spirit was weak. Not a good combination. And all of those added up in an equation, that left me reeling. I love my "job", my "purpose", my "destiny" that God has set me on the path to walk right now. I would not trade it for anything. I suppose however, in trying to "do", instead of trusting Him to "lead", I had lost sight of the goal for a bit. I had allowed "situations" to take priority that they did not deserve, and I was tired before I had even left, and that had set me up to "play catch up" all weekend, instead of just relaxing in the amazing opportunity He had gifted me with. It made me think of times, I had planned the "perfect" present for my kids, and either because they were tired, or preoccupied with something else, they didn't react the way I had hoped. I am sure that is kinda how I was with Him, this weekend. Two years ago, I would have never been able to attend one of these meetings, I would have never been able to afford it, both in time and money, but God is so much bigger than that....He worked behind the scenes, and provided me with the chance to go and not pay a dime....not in travel, not in fees, not in hotels, food, anything...what a perfect gift....how I imagine Him, giggling, waiting to see my expression when I found out I could go....and how He must have felt, when I allowed myself to get in the mindset I was in. Don't get me wrong, I am sure my neighbors must have thought I was going insane, when I openly wept for a few minutes during one of the speakers, as I let it sink in that I was there, really and truly there, somewhere I had never thought possible, surrounded by people who live life as I do, understanding the pain, and the cost of this disease, when for so many years, I literally thought I was the only one. Words cannot express how grateful I am to Him for His gift.
While all of the above is 100% true, it was so hard to leave my family this weekend, in part, because one of them was supposed to have been with me, and I felt so guilty in leaving him behind. I didn't fully enjoy seeing all of the sights of DC without him, and couldn't get him and his brother off my mind. I knew going into this "job" that it meant time away from them, but I also knew that God was perfect in His timing, and they are at an age that they are ok without me for short periods of time, and being away from them for a few days means they are with me during the summer and other breaks from school.....still....this momma missed her "babies" this weekend. That added to an event at the airport send me and my faith spiraling.
I have not been able to attend WOC on Sunday mornings for a couple of weeks, and I didn't realize how much that would affect me. Given the events of the past few weeks, I have been in the mindset of desiring so much, to be in worship, be in teaching, learning and absorbing all I can. I understand your private study time is critical, but I guess I missed church as much as I missed home. After all of the above, I was near a breaking point on the plane, but instead of withdrawing into myself as I would have done in the past, I really spent that time, praying and talking to Him, leaning into Him, and asking Him to minister to me. I had hoped to have my driver drop me off at church in time for Sunday nite services, and I have to admit, I was disappointed when I found out we were having a "movie" nite instead. I decided to still have him drop me there, at least I would see the boys sooner, right? I started asking God to speak to me, meet me, show me that He is still in control of this path, that I am still on track, that I am still hearing Him.....if He can provide a way for me to go to DC, then He can speak to me during a football movie, right?
I don't know if you have ever seen the movie, "Facing the Giants",, but if not, please make an effort to see it. It is an awesome, Christian based, family movie that tells the story of a ragamuffin team, and a coach who is at rock bottom, and how in their weakest moment, God's strength shines strong. hmmm.....coincidence that this was the movie that was playing? :-) There is a point in the movie, where a gentleman comes to the coach and reads the passage from Revelation 3, that says:
"We serve a God that opens doors that no one can shut, and He shuts doors that no one can open. He says: ‘Behold, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know you have a little strength, yet you have kept My word and have not denied My name, and I will withhold the trouble of this world"
You would think that, however, the reality is that, I "hit a brick wall" this weekend. My body was tired, my mind was spent, and my spirit was weak. Not a good combination. And all of those added up in an equation, that left me reeling. I love my "job", my "purpose", my "destiny" that God has set me on the path to walk right now. I would not trade it for anything. I suppose however, in trying to "do", instead of trusting Him to "lead", I had lost sight of the goal for a bit. I had allowed "situations" to take priority that they did not deserve, and I was tired before I had even left, and that had set me up to "play catch up" all weekend, instead of just relaxing in the amazing opportunity He had gifted me with. It made me think of times, I had planned the "perfect" present for my kids, and either because they were tired, or preoccupied with something else, they didn't react the way I had hoped. I am sure that is kinda how I was with Him, this weekend. Two years ago, I would have never been able to attend one of these meetings, I would have never been able to afford it, both in time and money, but God is so much bigger than that....He worked behind the scenes, and provided me with the chance to go and not pay a dime....not in travel, not in fees, not in hotels, food, anything...what a perfect gift....how I imagine Him, giggling, waiting to see my expression when I found out I could go....and how He must have felt, when I allowed myself to get in the mindset I was in. Don't get me wrong, I am sure my neighbors must have thought I was going insane, when I openly wept for a few minutes during one of the speakers, as I let it sink in that I was there, really and truly there, somewhere I had never thought possible, surrounded by people who live life as I do, understanding the pain, and the cost of this disease, when for so many years, I literally thought I was the only one. Words cannot express how grateful I am to Him for His gift.
While all of the above is 100% true, it was so hard to leave my family this weekend, in part, because one of them was supposed to have been with me, and I felt so guilty in leaving him behind. I didn't fully enjoy seeing all of the sights of DC without him, and couldn't get him and his brother off my mind. I knew going into this "job" that it meant time away from them, but I also knew that God was perfect in His timing, and they are at an age that they are ok without me for short periods of time, and being away from them for a few days means they are with me during the summer and other breaks from school.....still....this momma missed her "babies" this weekend. That added to an event at the airport send me and my faith spiraling.
I have not been able to attend WOC on Sunday mornings for a couple of weeks, and I didn't realize how much that would affect me. Given the events of the past few weeks, I have been in the mindset of desiring so much, to be in worship, be in teaching, learning and absorbing all I can. I understand your private study time is critical, but I guess I missed church as much as I missed home. After all of the above, I was near a breaking point on the plane, but instead of withdrawing into myself as I would have done in the past, I really spent that time, praying and talking to Him, leaning into Him, and asking Him to minister to me. I had hoped to have my driver drop me off at church in time for Sunday nite services, and I have to admit, I was disappointed when I found out we were having a "movie" nite instead. I decided to still have him drop me there, at least I would see the boys sooner, right? I started asking God to speak to me, meet me, show me that He is still in control of this path, that I am still on track, that I am still hearing Him.....if He can provide a way for me to go to DC, then He can speak to me during a football movie, right?
I don't know if you have ever seen the movie, "Facing the Giants",, but if not, please make an effort to see it. It is an awesome, Christian based, family movie that tells the story of a ragamuffin team, and a coach who is at rock bottom, and how in their weakest moment, God's strength shines strong. hmmm.....coincidence that this was the movie that was playing? :-) There is a point in the movie, where a gentleman comes to the coach and reads the passage from Revelation 3, that says:
"We serve a God that opens doors that no one can shut, and He shuts doors that no one can open. He says: ‘Behold, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know you have a little strength, yet you have kept My word and have not denied My name, and I will withhold the trouble of this world"
How much I needed that verse....It spoke like an arrow straight to my soul. He knew what I needed from Him, and used a movie to speak it, right at the perfect moment.....the moment He knew I had hit a "wall", the moment He knew I had lost my footing and my sight was clouded, the moment He knew my strength was gone, and I needed to see His strength rise up and take hold and shine. How amazing He is. How loving He is. How perfect He is. OH! in case you are not familiar with this story...this is one of the letters to the churches...this one in particular is the letter to Philadelphia....those of you who know my story, know how much more this is also in His perfection....my journey.....it started............ in Philadelphia.......
Today I am thankful for opportunies, .....I am thankful for gifts from Heaven.....but most of all I am thankful for a Father, who loved me so much, He wrote me a love letter...thousands of years ago....yeah, it was also to a church....but somehow I believe He had me in mind when He wrote it......onward to tomorrow's leg of this journey....but for the grace of God, go I........
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