Steps of Faith

     Have you ever really sat and thought about the meanings of words?  How they came to be used in the context in which we do?  I know most of you that know me will be shocked by what I am going to admit.....I overthink everything....I look for each and every meaning behind almost everything I do, say, think, or believe, there isn't much I take just at face value.  It isn't always a good trait to have, it makes for quite a bit of turmoil within my soul and with the foundation of my faith, but God knows me, after all He designed me, and in the end He works that out, and somehow the things I do believe and stand in faith in, are deep rooted, tried and tested, and usually no one can sway me from them.  He has certainly taken me down a path the past year, I look back now and can't help but wonder had I known how difficult some of the issues He would have called me to dig deep and find resolution and freedom in, had I know just how painful and trying some of this journey would have become, would I have had the blind faith to step out and follow Him?  I can't honestly answer that, but I am thankful that, He being the all knowing Creator, spared me from some of the details, on the front end at least.  I definitely have made it thru to this point with a more defined clarity of knowing just how much we must have His strength to carry us through, just how much we take for granted what He provides to us on a daily basis, and understand how in our failures is where we learn to walk in His abundance.  But back to my question.....the meaning of words.....

     One of the words that I am focusing on today is:  RELEASE.  According to Webster's,  release means:  "to allow to escape from confinement, or to set free, to surrender".  I find myself thinking about this word alot the past few days.  Those of you who know my personal journey in a way deeper than on here, know that I have finally been granted release in an area of my life that,  at times, has been one of the most special, most enlightening, and part of one of  the most intellectual growth opportunities I have ever  experienced; however, it has also at times, been one of the most challenging, most painful, and exhausting ones as well.  I knew about a year ago that my time there was, in some realm or another, either ending or evolving into something totally different.  We all know that change is hard, some of us accept it and find a way to adapt and move on, others of us, not so much.  I have prayed and prayed to God about it, to give me wisdom, to give me patience, to give me understanding, or if nothing  else to give me endurance and faith to see His purpose, when no one, including myself could understandj.   If you refer back to the meanings of the word release, you will see:  "to surrender", I have never thought about those words being associated with release, but it is funny that definition was listed.  About two weeks ago, I had a "God" moment, it was a particularly hard day, and I knew it was going to be "trying" to say the least, but for whatever reason that day, I had had all I could take, I walked up the stairs to my desk, and literally spoke the words out loud, somehow I had the notion that if they were vocalized that way, for others to hear, for satan to hear, for me to hear, and for God to hear, that somehow they would carry more weight, but I said out loud:  "God, no matter what happens, it does not change who You are, Your purposes, Your will, and I know that no matter what, you will give me the strength to face this and push through, I am tired of fighting, I am tired of worrying, I am.....tired....it is Yours, I submit this to You, out loud, I submit this to You, no matter what You need, I am here, I am willing, I am choosing to be obedient, I am choosing to surrender this to You, not understanding, not knowing the outcome, and not questioning anymore,  and I know You will give me the strength to face whatever is coming".  Did a light shine bright and angels sing?  No, I went about my day and left it where it was.  One week to the day, I knew something was different, I don't know, maybe it was the spirit preparing me, either way, I have never felt such peace, such preparation, such readiness, and when the conversation happened, it is "funny" the exact words that were spoken, "We are giving you our blessing and RELEASING you to walk the path that you are being called to walk".  I cannot describe to you the emotions that I felt.  Again, those that know the exact nature of this story, know that God, in His overwhelming love and mercy, granted me exactly what I had prayed for.  For those of you that doubt, He truly is the God of peace, He truly desires that, and if we are patient and submit to Him, and His perfect timing, He will deliver that.  I still can't process what a wonderful, amazing Father He is.  If you are struggling with something  in your life, please take a moment and pray about it, maybe God is holding you in a difficult area of your life, to teach you something, to free you from something.  I am not going to lie, it isn't always fun, it isn't always easy to face the things in us that He needs to change, but it is for our own good, He wants to give us freedom, He wants to give us RELEASE, but sometimes, it requires our own surrender.

     The other word that is weighing on my mind today is JOURNEY.  I find the definition to journey as, of course, " travel", but the one that has struck me is:  "the passage or progress from one stage to another".  I know that when I first started this blog, I thought that it was going to be a way to detail my travels with a new "job" opportunity that God has placed into my life, but looking back over some of the other entries, I see that isn't the case at all.  It truly has become a documentation of how God has set me upon a journey to change who I am, what I believe, how I see life and those around me.  How He has been changing who I am from the inside out, to teach me compassion, to teach me love, to teach me understanding and faith, how I deal with failures and what do I use to gauge "success" in this life.  I look at that definition, "the passage or progress from one stage to another", and I see that is EXACTLY what He has been doing the past year.  I have a totally new perspective on what it means to succeed in this life.  It isn't the position you have, the title that defines you, the bullet points on your resume, or the pretty framed paper you have hanging on your wall.  Success should be defined in how much of an imprint we leave on those that the Allmighty puts upon our path.  Success should be defined in our character, in our ability to step outside of ourselves, and see the world around us, the broken, hurting, hopeless world around us, and want to leave it a little better than when we arrived.  Success is in being more judgmental on ourselves than we are on each other, to see the blessings we have been given, and take for granted.  Success is in being able to give the hope that we have been given to someone else, to make a difference in their lives, to make them understand there is Someone bigger than their hopelessness.  Success is in truly understanding gratitude and understanding that it is only by the divine Grace of God that we are who we are, and there is a world of people who would trade places with us in an instance.  I am not there yet, but looking back and seeing where He has taken me so far, I am hopeful.....I am prayerfully hopeful that He will not give up on me, that He still sees potential in me, and I am one step closer to learning the lessons He has set before me.

     Today, I am thankful for life lessons, yes they are sometimes painful, but when we make it through to the other side, we are a little closer to becoming who He needs us to be......I am thankful He is patient with me, never gives up on me, see's me as someone He can still mold and make into something He can use, .......but most of all, I am thankful to see changes in me, yes, they are tiny, but they are there, and I have to admit, it has been a bumpy, crazy at times, journey the past few months, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world, and am thankful for the wonderful people I have met along the way........looking forward to what the next leg of this journey will bring.......but for the Grace of God go I........

(the following  isn't mine, but I find inspiration in it, and thought I would share, just not sure who to credit)

"The journey of faith isn’t about where you want to go, but about where Christ wants to take you. Following Jesus means you are allowing Him to order your steps. Jesus doesn’t just want a moment of your time; He wants your life. That is, He wants you to live in complete obedience to His commands—all the time.

As long as you lean on your own understanding, you will continue to make choices that will rob you of the best God desires to give you. Don’t make the mistake of taking the easy way, for it leads to destruction; rather, walk the narrow path which leads to life. Follow Jesus!"

The guardian

     Today as I sat down to do my devotional, I had a memory dance across my mind from early this morning, and  to amusement to the gentleman beside me, literally laughed out loud.  I couldn't sleep last nite and wandered to the couch to watch some t.v., somewhere in all the "infomercials" I fell asleep -(no, I didn't give in and buy anything...all though some of those items sure were cool....), anyway, I fell asleep on the couch.  When I woke up, drowsily trying to figure out where I was, and why I was there, I noticed across the room, something "different" about my loveseat.   There were two ears, and a pointed nose, and a fuzzy face....sigh....Bosch....my German Shepherd.  She is a good girl, and knows she is not supposed to be on the furniture.....just as I "roused" up to scold her, she smiled at me....I swear....she opened her mouth, I guess to pant, but it looked just like a smile.  She started wagging her tail, looking at me that way,  as if to say "Oh thank goodness!  You are awake!!!  I have watched you all nite, standing guard, just waiting to see you wake up, and now you are, so....GOOD MORNING!"   I admit, I laughed out loud at her silly self, acting like a puppy again, and acting like I was the best thing she had ever seen.  She was so sweet, I totally forgot to scold her.

     As I enjoy the memory, I just had a couple of  verses  come to mind:

Psalm 139:1-3, “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.” (NIV)

Psalm 3:5:  New Living Translation

"I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the LORD was watching over me."

     As I meditate on these, it has occurred to me that in the same way Bosch stood guard over me while I slept, anticipating the moment that I awoke and saw her and acknowledge her, so does God.  He is the one who never rests, never slumbers, never sees the "light" drop over the horizon and give way to the nite.  He is faithfully watching over me, ministering to me in my dreams, speaking truths that my soul needs to hear, comforting the wounds of this life, and preparing me for the journey ahead.  He is the one who tells my heart when to beat, my lungs when to inflate, and keeps satan's demons at bay, so that I can rest.  He is the one who whispers "good morning, my love", and awakes me with His gentle touch.  He is the one who is sitting beside me, waiting, anticipating the moment my eyes open,......the moment that I will choose how to begin my day.....will I see Him......will I greet Him and thank Him for His mercy and Grace....sigh.    Or will I yet again, grumble because I went to bed to late and don't want to wake up, ....will I jump up because I am already running behind some silly schedule that doesn't allow five minutes to greet the Savior of my soul.   He knows all, He knows before I even fall asleep what will occur in the morning, and yet, He is faithful, hopeful, that something will change within me to remember Him, or better yet, have Him be the first thing that comes to my mind, when my day begins.   I think about Bosch, how disappointed she would have been had I jumped up, fussing at her, starting both our days that way, how hurt she would have been.....I know how I would feel hurting her feelings, how much more should it bother me to hurt His?   

     Today, I am thankful for God speaking to me via one of His sweetest, gentlest creatures, Bosch, .....I am thankful that He doesn't base His reaction to me upon my actions, that he doesn't limit His love and patience with me, in the way that I "fit" Him into my silly schedule......but most of all, I am hopeful that I will see the way that I,  both  end and begin,  my day in a totally different light.....that I whisper good nite to Him, knowing that He is settling in to stand guard, and awaken with a good morning to Him, knowing that despite my faithlessness, He is always Faithful........onward to tomorrow's part of this journey.....but for the grace of God go I.......

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

Treasures from the Hope Chest

     As I am sitting in a quite corner of my church, waiting on the boys to be finished with their choir and study time, I have found myself studying my Billy Graham daily devotional. It is titled, "Hope for each day", and it has little morning and evening mini messages.  I have to admit, I wasn't drawn to the book because of the title, or even by the author, I was drawn to it based solely upon it's cover.  It is an older looking, leather type bound book, even the way it feels is special, and for a book lover like me, reminds me of long ago trips to the local "flea market" with my grandmother, and digging through countless boxes of books, most older than me. 

      I have been sitting here, enjoying the silence, running my fingers over the book and traveling back in time to those cherished moments with her, and the place that I have settled upon today, coincidentally, is a time spent   sitting and looking through the "hope chest", that she had when she was married, the same one,  that still contained special little treasures, some of which she had been acquiring from her childhood.  I loved to hear the stories of when she would find that special little piece of lace, she would tuck it away to be used in a handkerchief that was carried on her wedding day, then borrowed out to one of her daughters when they walked down the aisle, or those special pearls that survived all the moves and travels of her life, the same ones, she placed around my neck on my wedding day.    It saddens me that most families don't even have the concept of a "hope chest" anymore, I know how I felt realizing that I wouldn't share that tradition with my sons, somehow I think that the excitement of finding the perfect china pattern, or delicate little piece of fabric that could be sewn into a baby quilt, or other "girlie" items would have quite the same effect on them. 

Still, it has gotten me to thinking about how we tend to lose "hope", the value of storing up the things we are hoping for in the chests of our hearts and souls.  I am afraid we look at what the world has become around us, and we simply don't see the point.  I mean, we have the world at our fingertips, literally, anything we can dream up, can be ordered and shipped with a few simple taps on the keyboard.   I am afraid, with my own life at least, that I have lost the value in sitting down and telling God the things I hope for, and tucking those away in a quite, safe place in my heart, and pulling those out from time to time, and remembering, and looking ahead, with Him.  

     It made me wonder, just how important Hope was to Him, and when I searched my bible app, these are just a handful of verses that it linked to:

"Be of good courage , and he shall strengthen your heart , all ye that hope in the LORD ." 

"Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy ." 

"The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy ." 

"The LORD is my portion , saith my soul ; therefore will I hope in him." 

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for , the evidence of things not seen."

 " But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts : and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear"

     It seems to me, that Hope is very important, very vital to our successful existence in this life, and more importantly, essential  to our passage into the next.     The one that particularly touched me was the last one listed, "But sanctify The Lord God in your hearts: and be ready, always, to given an answer to every man that asketh  you the reason of the HOPE that is in you."  We should live our lives in such a way, that the broken, the hurting, the lonely, the rejected, the lost around us, can see the HOPE that dwells within us.  I cannot imagine where I would be, without that.  That no matter what, I still have the HOPE of Him.  I know that God will send those people to us, He has called us to be the Light of this world to them, to somehow pierce through the darkness that satan oppresses with, I am pretty sure, that if we all look back to a time, when we were trapped in that darkness, how we felt when we saw that glimmer, the moment when our soul realized there was life, and love, and forgiveness, and mercy, and grace.   The moment when HOPE took hold and gave us the strength to believe, there was something, Someone, bigger than ourselves.....how could we not want to shout that from the rooftops?

     Today, I am thankful for memories, they remind us of not only times long gone, but also of the path we have walked,......I am thankful for lessons that He can speak,  in ways I never even imagined.....but most of all, I am thankful for that HOPE,.... unending, unfailing .....HOPE that no matter where I go, or what I do, never fades.     Looking forward to the tomorrow of this journey....but for the grace of God, go I..........

Glimpses of Heaven

     Do you ever wonder what Heaven will be like?   I mean aside from  being with God, do you ever think about what we will find ourselves surrounded by when we are there?  Will we have our 5 senses, sight, smell, sound, touch, and taste?  What about emotions?  Will we have some sort of "heightened" sense of reality?  Or will we have our senses as we know them, here on earth, at all?  I think about those things a lot.  Those of you who know me, know I am, to quote my daddy, "a girl of a million questions".  I like to know what to expect, so Heaven is something I have always struggled with.  Don't misunderstand me, I want to go there, it is just the unexpected that I have trouble with.   It isn't like planning a trip to a far away land, a dot on a map, and "googling" the reviews of the people who have went ahead of you.  I am a time oriented person, so I struggle with not having eternity all planned out ahead of time.  I know, I know, crazy, but it is who I am, I can't deny it, can't hide it from God, all I can do is pray to find a way to work thru all the feelings here, and...know....truly know, that when the time comes, it will all be okay, I will leave all of this obsessiveness here, and none of this will matter there.  Still.....I can't help but wonder.....

     We have a wonderful Father, who knows the things we struggle with, and if we are obedient in turning those things over to Him, He will provide insights, provide teaching, provide ways to show us peace in our life lessons.  This one to Him, isn't any different.  He has been showing me this week into the importance of seeing "little glimpses" of Heaven, even while I am here.  In fact, He moved me to tears with the delivery of part of this lesson.  I have been "following" this precious young girl who has been struggling with cancer for some time on Facebook.  I do not know her, nor her family, but yet, her mom has been writing a blog along the way, and is one of the most inspiring people I have ever came into contact with.  The young lady has started her journey into eternity, the family has specifically asked that people no longer prayer for a miracle, she knows her time is drawing near, and instead they are praying that the transition from this world into the next will be peaceful.  In her mother's updates this week, she shared that her daughter has already started to slip into eternity, she has started to "see" people, family members, that have already passed.  She is staring to talk to them, and knows they are waiting to escort her to her new Home.   At first, I wondered, how in the world her mother could share such a private thing with the rest of us, but then He spoke to me the lesson He is teaching through her.  She is seeing "glimpses of Heaven", of things yet to come, and it occurred to me, why do we wait until that moment?  Why do we have to be "one foot" away from stepping into the other side before we can see the glimpses of Heaven He gives us each and every  day?  He, being the loving Father, that He is, has traveled the road ahead of us, and leaves little things along the side of the path to remind us of that.

     I have deliberately tried to open my eyes and my heart to see these things since reading her blog, and sure enough, they are there.....in the rose that I found after the "freeze" we had earlier this week, so delicate, but yet still alive........in the tiny little feather that my son and I found one morning on the way to school.......in the beautiful sunrise that I wake up to each day, slowly awaking the hills that I am blessed enough to call home.......Heaven is real, and it is alive, and it is here.....yes, the true Heaven is still just the other side of eternity, but it shows itself, it prepares us,   if we are on careful guard to see.

     I have been in Cades Cove today, enjoying some quite time, true quite time, taking in the sights and sounds and smells of nature.    For those of you who do not know where I am talking about, it is a 11 mile loop, nestled into the base of the Smoky Mountains, and is home to undisturbed wildlife, such as bears and deer.  It is an amazing place, one of my most cherished in fact, and I never visit without having a "God" moment.  Today was no different.  All of the above has been in the back of my thoughts, and as we drove thru, it really struck me just how much nature cries out to the Creator.  I used to say that God must really have loved us, just look at the fall colors of Tennessee if you doubt that.  Now, after today, I think I might have that wrong.  I think it is creation that is crying out to Him, worshiping Him with all that it has.  It presents itself to Him, full of vivid color and beauty, in reverence to Him, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth.  I was really overwhelmed today by that.  I was reminded again of a lesson He has been walking out in me for awhile now, "I was blind, but now I see".  That is something that is taking on so much of a different meaning to me now.  There is so much to this world that points to the next, if only we take the time to see.....truly see.....

    Today I am thankful for lessons that come even through pain, and through that, I am thankful for a lesson that came from a beautiful young lady, who, even in death, has more courage and insight that I can even hope to have.  I am thankful for a Father who will continue to open my eyes, and more importantly, grant me visions, or glimpses of Him when I am open to "see" them.  Most importantly, I am thankful that He is unendingly patient with me, even with my "million and one" questions.....onward to seeing those "Heavenly glimpses"  in tomorrow's part of this journey....but for the grace of God go I.......