Well, it is almost 1a.m. ...and I should be sleeping, but I am wide awake. I have been in the Big Apple again for the past two days, should be back home in TN, but....either 1. bad weather caused ALL flights out LGA to be grounded until morning or 2. God answered prayers for my safety, and decided I needed to not be in the air tonight....personally, I will choose to believe the latter. I have had a wonderful field ride these past two days...met some wonderful docs, nurses, and fellow reps for CSL. God, answered prayers regarding those meetings, and I believe patients lives will be changed thru His grace and divine intervention.....HOWEVER, the one person that I met today in Dunkin Donuts having coffee, is the one that I can't shake from my thoughts tonight.
Do angels still appear among us? I know the bible teaches that you never know when you meet them, "unaware". Since I choose to take the bible literally, then I have to choose that, yes, in fact, they do. Well, I believe, God put one of these "angels" in my path today....and.......well, I hate to admit this...but I think I blew it. I was sitting, saving a table for the ladies that were with me, while they had went back outside to get various things from their cars.....I felt led to make eye contact with this lady that was sitting at the table next to ours...she was waiting on a gentlemen to make their purchases. Every one has warned me that I have to totally change who I am while I am in NYC...they say I am too friendly, and look people in the eye, and smile, and say hello. So.....I was fighting the urge to do just that with this lady. She was probably in her 60's, and she just had this "air" about her. Those of you who know me well, know that I can fight those urges for only so long, and sure enough, when I met her eye, she was staring right at me.....I smiled and nodded, and she lit up like a beacon. I said, "hello, how are you doing today?" She said hello back, but then dropped her eyes, and her smile, and said not so good today. My heartstrings immediately started to be drawn....and I said, "I'm so sorry"....she then proceeded to tell me she was fighting cancer and had lost her 98 year old mother, also to cancer....I relayed my concern, and she replied that she knows she has to keep things in perspective, but missed her mom giving her strength during hard times. I told her that I understood, that one of my grandmother's favorite sayings had been, "I woke up today, that is reason enough to be happy".....this led her to tell me more about her mom, and how she, despite going through very difficult times, always had a fighting spirit to look for the positive, and how she wished she had learned more of that.....but through the things she was saying, I told her, you are a strong person, and I bet you are reflecting more of your mom, than you realize. She got a bit emotional and told me how much she needed to hear that today...and as my friends entered the store, I told her my name, and she did likewise, and said it was a pleasure to meet you, and told her I would pray for her, and pray that her day would improve....once again, she lit up like a beacon, and said she truly appreciated that and would I please do just that....immediately I felt the spririt speak to me, don't say you are going to pray for her, get up, go take her hand, and do it now.......sigh.......my friends at this point, sat down, and started talking business, and of course, I didn't do it. I almost couldn't focus on what they were saying to me, for watching her.....I knew the moment had passed....and I knew I had grieved the spirit.....when she finished, she came over to me, ....apologized to my friends for the interruption, but said, she wanted to tell me how much she appreciated what I had said, and said her day was getting better, just knowing that someone cared......wow......someone cared......I cared enough to talk to her....I cared enough to try and encourage her.....but I didn't care about her where it really mattered.....taking her hand and walking into the throne room of our Father, and letting her hear me ask Him to love on her, to put His arms around her and carry her for the rest of today....and to comfort Her and minister to Her......God forgive me.....I have prayed about her since.....I haven't been able to get her off my mind....and yes, I know, He is bigger than my disobediance, and He can and has loved on her, even without my asking Him to do so.....I get that.....what I also get is that I missed my blessing....I missed Him also loving on me while we were in that throne room....I missed another opportunity to grow....and for that I am truly sorry. I pray that He will not let that be the only "angel" He puts in my path......and as I finish this and try to get some rest....I pray for you Cheryl....I pray for you as publically as I can on here.....I pray He comforts you, and gives you restful, peaceful sleep tonight, and delights over you tonight, and whispers His truths to you in your dreams.....I pray for your healing, both physical and mental.....and I pray He puts someone else into your path, that will be obediant and will take a minute to sit with you, and pray with you.
Onward to the next day of this journey.....again, hopefully one, painful, step closer to who He wants me to be.....but for the grace of God, go I............
And with each day we grow. With each lesson we become more like Him. You may not have done what the spirit lead at that moment as you so desperately desire, but from your mistake and failure you have learned. We as "children" and not grown-ups of God do not always do what we know we should, but through those failings we learn to be better.
ReplyDelete"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward."
That day you were crawling, but from that lesson your are walking and one day you too ..."will soar on wings like eagles"