my road to recovery from rebellion....

  I am sitting in a Starbucks, enjoying a white chocolate mocha, thinking of how much my life has changed in such a short time.  I never would have believed I would be able to sit and drink a coffee, typing a blog, being able to enjoy quite moments for prayer and reflection, all before my "work" day began.   As I sit here, asking God to reveal today's lesson to me, I can't help but having my thoughts return to a brief moment after small group at church Wednesday nite.  I had quite the day on Tuesday, Satan, once again, had been on the prowl, and I was sharing the latest update on this situation with a few of the small group members.  When we were leaving, Mr. Bob-(who, along with his wonderful, sweet wife, Vicki, I am starting to adore, and thank God for bringing into my life)-hugged me, told me that he would be praying about the situation, and whispered, "remember to be humble" into my ear.  Hmmm....I thought, that was weird, what in the world does being humble have to do with this situation.  I can see,... be confident, ...be secure, ....be couragous...but humble??  Well, throughout the day the following day, as I would find my self being proud, or boastful, or entitled....that moment would instantly come to mind. And as I sit here, waiting on today's lesson, here it is again......and here is the verse that I have been given:  "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and puts off the natural man and becomes a saint throught the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becomes as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord sees fit to inflict upon him, even as a child submits to this father",  Luke 18: 16-17.    Building on this, the definition of humility is:  "  a quality by which a person sees his/her own defects, and therefore; willingly submits himself/herself before God.  Thru this, God is revealing to me that without true humility, submissiveness to God cannot be obtained, and because of that,  rebellion can never be conquered.  I like to think that people, on a general basis, would describe me as humble.  I like to consider myself nice, polite, and courteous.  But when I truly read that definition, how truly humble, in the biblical sense, am I?  Sad to say, not very.  

     As I searched thru my bible app for verses that reflect humility, one of the first ones that it linked to was in Matthew:  "Blessed are the poor in spirit-(humble)-for their's is the kingdom of Heaven".  As I sit and think about that, I am thinking maybe as much as humility is an important trait for this life, how much more valuable  is it for success in my spiritual life?  We are taught as a society to be entitled, we are taught to value self importance, and self worth...self...self...self, why can't we learn to value the importance of needing Christ in us?  That all of the valuable things that make up ourselves is only thru Him?  And a reflection of Him?  The more that God is working out all of this rebellion in me and my nature, the more I see the importance of a constant willingness to deny myself, to be critical of myself, in order to be open to the Spirit's prompting in the areas where "I"-(the old nature)- needs to change, the areas where the "I" part of me needs to die, in order that the new being, in Him, can truly begin to live, and that any resistance, or rebellion, to that is putting obstacles on the path that He is wanting me to walk.  And as simple as that sounds, it is one of the most difficult things for me to accomplish....and even as I type that, I see part of the issue...."I" will never be able to accomplish that....that is what true humility is all about...to see the true necessity of letting go of all this deceitwith how valuable we are.....on my own, I am as filthy rags to Him. And the admission of that, is not weakness....in fact, it requires incredible God given strength, nor is it not recognizing how valuable our lives are to Him....we are so valuable to Him, that He exchanged His life for ours, He wants to become so part of who we are, that when God looks at us, He sees Him.  Why do I fight that???  Why can't I see that the more I desire and strive towards truly being humble in the biblical sense, of dying to myself, putting myself last, and Him first is the pathway to true freedom?  I have said before that I want Him to change me at the molecular level, to rewire my DNA from my human, damaged DNA into His perfection.  I know that is something that will require daily work, daily laying down myself to Him,  daily choosing Him, over what I want and desire, and thru that to create in me a new heart, a heart that naturally chooses as He would choose, and sees as He sees.  And I know that is something I will not fully obtain in this life, however, I want to get to the point that I really grasp the verse in Matthew:  "Blessed are the poor-(humble)-in spirit, for their's is the kingdom of Heaven." That I will truly start to appreciate that the more I desire, at least, to take on His traits, the more I will experience, and more importantly, appreciate,  all the things that He desires for me.  Jesus is the perfect example of humility...He left the throne room of Heaven, in every literal sense made Himself last, for me.....for me.....the one who thinks I am entitled....to have all I desire...wow... how arrogant...how unappreciative....how rebellious.....overwhelmed again at his unending love and mercy.....but for the grace of God go I....