It never ceases to amaze me how God will choose to speak to you, in everyday, little moments. How He can take the simpliest of moments and give you lessons in life that you will never forget. I had one of those moments today at church. My youngest son, Trent, performed with the kids choir at church at all four services. I stood watching him, and of course I had a sense of pride, thinking...that's my baby....he is up on that stage and has performed in front of probably 5000 people this weekend. Who would have thought? Those of you who know Trent's story, understand when I say that. God showed me how that, at such a young age of 8, Trent has a bigger testomony than most adults, and how I, as his mom, needs to instill that into him, teach him the importance of grasping that now...so when he is older and Satan's lies and doubts come, he will have this portion of his story written on his soul to always remind him of where God has delivered him.
Trent was born almost 2 months premature. We were truly blessed in the fact that, even though he was tiny...3 pounds at his smallest....his lungs were mature and did not need assistance in breathing. He was so little, but he had the spirit of a prize fighter...and still does by the way. He did have developmental delays, and was in some sort of therapy from the time he was 6 months old....he did not speak but just a small amount of basic words until he was almost 3 1/2......when you wish that your child was quite for just a little while...please, please take it from me....that is a place you do not want to be....I will never forget what I felt like trying to just get him to call me momma, or to communicate with me at all. I was told that we needed to have him diagnosed with autism, but something in me did not want to accept that....did not want to give him that label that would follow him for the rest of his life. I prayed and prayed to God to heal him, to unlock him from the terror and unattachment that he felt from the rest of this world. I remember his first birthday party....we had learned with Trent, to keep things simple...keep things quite....and had only invited close family members. I still have the picture of him from that party....he is sitting in his playpen, looking out from the mesh sides, because that was his "safe" place....that is where he spent the majority of his party....inside that playpen, away from everyone, while his party went on around him. But God is good, and He provided, and thanks to many, many prayers, and lots of therapy and hard work on all our parts, Trent thrived.....God healed Him in alot of ways, but most of all through his insecurities....to where my little boy....who was told he would probably never speak, never be "normal", never be secure and confident....that little boy was up on that stage today.....raising his hands to God, praising God, worshiping God....and he loves it...can't wait until the next time he gets the opportunity to do it again. And thru talking with a friend who has been there every step of this journey with Trent, we realized that God shared how Trent does it......my friend said that as she was watching Trent, she realized that he never took his eyes off of his leader....the one who showed him what he needed to say....or step....or do......he focused in on her like a laser, eyes riveted on her, and nothing or no one......in a crowd of thousands could take his attention off her...not even for a second. He held his hands over his ears, as he still does when he is overstimulated, but still he stood....he found security in her....he knew she would not let him down, or mislead him.....and through that he was able to worship the God who healed him. Do you see the God lesson that was given through my son today? If he can find security in his leader, how much more can and should I find in my
Saviour? I couldn't help but think of the verse in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 : 16-18"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."
I am honored that God chose to teach me this lesson through my son. How much more precious is that? I hope to learn to set my eyes like flint on my Leader, like he does....and through that learn that no matter what is around me, and how big and scary the situation before me is, that as long as I keep my eyes on Him, he will not let me down, he will not mislead me, and as long as I am pressing onward toward him, he will tell me the next step to take or words to say....he will stay right before me, leading me home......onward to the next step of this journey....but for the grace of God go I......
I only have one word after the weekend we have had. AMEN!!! Well I do have another one. Tylenol. I don't think I have cried this much, well, you know the last time I cried this much But if tears are a way to cleanse the soul, my should be about clean. As I said in my blog (and I called you out by name) I feel like my soul was ripped open to have the lesson pour into it. I guess God had to use all the tears to make it clean for the new lessons. As I sit here with more tears streaming down my face and you to far away to smack, thank you very much, I think...who would have thought one of the biggest lessons I would learn this weekend would come from an 8 year old? Trent usually does get the best of me. :)
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