Steps of Faith

     Have you ever really sat and thought about the meanings of words?  How they came to be used in the context in which we do?  I know most of you that know me will be shocked by what I am going to admit.....I overthink everything....I look for each and every meaning behind almost everything I do, say, think, or believe, there isn't much I take just at face value.  It isn't always a good trait to have, it makes for quite a bit of turmoil within my soul and with the foundation of my faith, but God knows me, after all He designed me, and in the end He works that out, and somehow the things I do believe and stand in faith in, are deep rooted, tried and tested, and usually no one can sway me from them.  He has certainly taken me down a path the past year, I look back now and can't help but wonder had I known how difficult some of the issues He would have called me to dig deep and find resolution and freedom in, had I know just how painful and trying some of this journey would have become, would I have had the blind faith to step out and follow Him?  I can't honestly answer that, but I am thankful that, He being the all knowing Creator, spared me from some of the details, on the front end at least.  I definitely have made it thru to this point with a more defined clarity of knowing just how much we must have His strength to carry us through, just how much we take for granted what He provides to us on a daily basis, and understand how in our failures is where we learn to walk in His abundance.  But back to my question.....the meaning of words.....

     One of the words that I am focusing on today is:  RELEASE.  According to Webster's,  release means:  "to allow to escape from confinement, or to set free, to surrender".  I find myself thinking about this word alot the past few days.  Those of you who know my personal journey in a way deeper than on here, know that I have finally been granted release in an area of my life that,  at times, has been one of the most special, most enlightening, and part of one of  the most intellectual growth opportunities I have ever  experienced; however, it has also at times, been one of the most challenging, most painful, and exhausting ones as well.  I knew about a year ago that my time there was, in some realm or another, either ending or evolving into something totally different.  We all know that change is hard, some of us accept it and find a way to adapt and move on, others of us, not so much.  I have prayed and prayed to God about it, to give me wisdom, to give me patience, to give me understanding, or if nothing  else to give me endurance and faith to see His purpose, when no one, including myself could understandj.   If you refer back to the meanings of the word release, you will see:  "to surrender", I have never thought about those words being associated with release, but it is funny that definition was listed.  About two weeks ago, I had a "God" moment, it was a particularly hard day, and I knew it was going to be "trying" to say the least, but for whatever reason that day, I had had all I could take, I walked up the stairs to my desk, and literally spoke the words out loud, somehow I had the notion that if they were vocalized that way, for others to hear, for satan to hear, for me to hear, and for God to hear, that somehow they would carry more weight, but I said out loud:  "God, no matter what happens, it does not change who You are, Your purposes, Your will, and I know that no matter what, you will give me the strength to face this and push through, I am tired of fighting, I am tired of worrying, I am.....tired....it is Yours, I submit this to You, out loud, I submit this to You, no matter what You need, I am here, I am willing, I am choosing to be obedient, I am choosing to surrender this to You, not understanding, not knowing the outcome, and not questioning anymore,  and I know You will give me the strength to face whatever is coming".  Did a light shine bright and angels sing?  No, I went about my day and left it where it was.  One week to the day, I knew something was different, I don't know, maybe it was the spirit preparing me, either way, I have never felt such peace, such preparation, such readiness, and when the conversation happened, it is "funny" the exact words that were spoken, "We are giving you our blessing and RELEASING you to walk the path that you are being called to walk".  I cannot describe to you the emotions that I felt.  Again, those that know the exact nature of this story, know that God, in His overwhelming love and mercy, granted me exactly what I had prayed for.  For those of you that doubt, He truly is the God of peace, He truly desires that, and if we are patient and submit to Him, and His perfect timing, He will deliver that.  I still can't process what a wonderful, amazing Father He is.  If you are struggling with something  in your life, please take a moment and pray about it, maybe God is holding you in a difficult area of your life, to teach you something, to free you from something.  I am not going to lie, it isn't always fun, it isn't always easy to face the things in us that He needs to change, but it is for our own good, He wants to give us freedom, He wants to give us RELEASE, but sometimes, it requires our own surrender.

     The other word that is weighing on my mind today is JOURNEY.  I find the definition to journey as, of course, " travel", but the one that has struck me is:  "the passage or progress from one stage to another".  I know that when I first started this blog, I thought that it was going to be a way to detail my travels with a new "job" opportunity that God has placed into my life, but looking back over some of the other entries, I see that isn't the case at all.  It truly has become a documentation of how God has set me upon a journey to change who I am, what I believe, how I see life and those around me.  How He has been changing who I am from the inside out, to teach me compassion, to teach me love, to teach me understanding and faith, how I deal with failures and what do I use to gauge "success" in this life.  I look at that definition, "the passage or progress from one stage to another", and I see that is EXACTLY what He has been doing the past year.  I have a totally new perspective on what it means to succeed in this life.  It isn't the position you have, the title that defines you, the bullet points on your resume, or the pretty framed paper you have hanging on your wall.  Success should be defined in how much of an imprint we leave on those that the Allmighty puts upon our path.  Success should be defined in our character, in our ability to step outside of ourselves, and see the world around us, the broken, hurting, hopeless world around us, and want to leave it a little better than when we arrived.  Success is in being more judgmental on ourselves than we are on each other, to see the blessings we have been given, and take for granted.  Success is in being able to give the hope that we have been given to someone else, to make a difference in their lives, to make them understand there is Someone bigger than their hopelessness.  Success is in truly understanding gratitude and understanding that it is only by the divine Grace of God that we are who we are, and there is a world of people who would trade places with us in an instance.  I am not there yet, but looking back and seeing where He has taken me so far, I am hopeful.....I am prayerfully hopeful that He will not give up on me, that He still sees potential in me, and I am one step closer to learning the lessons He has set before me.

     Today, I am thankful for life lessons, yes they are sometimes painful, but when we make it through to the other side, we are a little closer to becoming who He needs us to be......I am thankful He is patient with me, never gives up on me, see's me as someone He can still mold and make into something He can use, .......but most of all, I am thankful to see changes in me, yes, they are tiny, but they are there, and I have to admit, it has been a bumpy, crazy at times, journey the past few months, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world, and am thankful for the wonderful people I have met along the way........looking forward to what the next leg of this journey will bring.......but for the Grace of God go I........

(the following  isn't mine, but I find inspiration in it, and thought I would share, just not sure who to credit)

"The journey of faith isn’t about where you want to go, but about where Christ wants to take you. Following Jesus means you are allowing Him to order your steps. Jesus doesn’t just want a moment of your time; He wants your life. That is, He wants you to live in complete obedience to His commands—all the time.

As long as you lean on your own understanding, you will continue to make choices that will rob you of the best God desires to give you. Don’t make the mistake of taking the easy way, for it leads to destruction; rather, walk the narrow path which leads to life. Follow Jesus!"